Tuesday, December 20, 2011

When did I become stupid?

I have always considered myself a very smart person. I also used to joke around that in most people the mind is the first thing the go but I was sure my mind would be the last thing to go. Now I just feel a little bit dumber everyday. At one point I had my children convinced they still may be that I was the smartest man alive! In some cases it still may be true. I still have all the knowledge from my two college degrees, the knowledge from everything I've experienced, and all useless knowledge that goes through my head that I was famous for. The problem now is I can't answer the simple questions. The other night my dad asked Hillary what is the only mammal that can't jump? I looked at him said that's a trick question there's more than one mammal that can't jump, and the argument ensued. His answer was the elephant. My answer is elephants may not be able to jump but neither do dolphins and they are a mammal. Everybody joined in about dolphins jumping through the water. I said by definition dolphins do not jump and they all tried to prove me wrong. Every definition of jumping they found mentioned legs as the foundation of jumping, dolphins don't have legs! That I know, but what time Jenn is getting off work tonight I don't know? Who's got my kids tomorrow, I don't know? What are we doing this weekend, I don't know? This will go on and on into this void. It has gotten so bad that I don't even know what to think about anymore. It happened during the Bills game Sunday. While I watched them get pummeled again I quickly thought about the draft and what we needed to be better. Then I thought why I do I care, I probably won't see next year. All these years I've sat and thought about what's next. Now do I really care about these useless things about the future. Do I really care who's going to make up the Yankees pitching staff, who the Bills may draft in April, what book I read next, and the list can go on and on. It just feels like I know nothing anymore. There's this giant void that has encompassed me and the only thing I know, is I don't know! I can sit and look out the window all day and not know what to think about. It's scary because the only thing I know I can think about is the past and that depresses me as I realize how much crap I've done and how much fun it has been! Just about everyone out there that is reading this has one of these stories. Remember when we got Neumann to eat such and such, remember when we got Neumann to do such and such, or remember when Neumann's dumb butt said such and such and I'm sure the list goes on and on. That seems like the only thing I have is my past. There's no real future so I don't know has become my answer for everything because I really don't know. When you spend most of the day saying I don't know that's when you start to wonder when did I become stupid!

1 comment:

  1. I disagree. None of us know what's next. None of us know how much time we have. One of the things I hope I have learned is that life takes twists and turns that we cannot predict. Keep caring, keep living, and keep planning...each day is moment by moment. That's what we each have. Wasn't it Dr. Work, quoting the Buddha who said something about...when you realize you don't know, then you have arrived?