Friday, December 23, 2011

The Rules of the Crazy Train

While my mind body and soul might be taking a lovely cruise to the end of this journey, my emotions and personality are in charge of this crazy train that I live in! No it's not all crazy there are rules that govern this train as it goes barreling to that brick wall. First and foremost I ain't going out like a punk bitch, I'm doing this thing my way so watch out. The train will make many stops for people to get on, but once you're on there's no stops to get off. Just like at the Hotel California you can check out any time you'd like but you can never leave. Speaking of rules the Golden rule does not apply here because believe me you do not want me to do unto you what I want done onto me. Unlike I am teaching my children if I have nothing nice to say, I am going to say it anyway! It is important to know rum is appropriate with any mixer. Rum in coffee, juice, pop, beer, coconut water, heck anything you drink is acceptable. Notice I am saying is acceptable not that you should do it all the time and become addicted to it. On my little crazy train I am going to eat anything I want to. This means in my short future there'll be a hot fudge sundae, peanuts, and popcorn on my menu. Heck I may even just go put cracker jacks on a hot fudge sundae and eat it that way. I have not had these items in close to two years and I don't care what kind of coughing fit these items might cause, because I want to eat it again. The word fucking is a fucking appropriate adjective for any noun you may find. This rule is null and void if there are children present. Crying and emotional outbursts are perfectly acceptable by anyone of any age while riding the train. Like I keep telling Madi, I would prefer the outbursts not be physical. There is enough emotional pain going around this train we don't need physical pain as well. I really only have so much Vicodin to go around and it's mostly going to me. As the conductor on this long strange trip my door is always open. I'm just not doing the inviting. If you feel you have talk to or communicate with the conductor I am more than willing to listen in whatever form of communication you use. Just know I'm busy steering this train and it may take a little time to get back to you. Don't worry about that brick wall we are traveling towards. I have installed every safety device I could get on the train so that when we do find that brick wall everybody but the conductor will survive. Finally this is an honest train. As I've been using for some years now a Judge Judy saying " don't spit on my head and tell me it's raining. " I am not going to hide anything or sugarcoat anything on this train. There may be some speculation on my part, but it will be my honest thoughts not something to make people feel better.

Thank you for riding this train with me. It may be an express trip but it's going to be a fucking exciting one!


  1. Please don't tell me you want Ozzy Osbourne played at your funeral, too...